Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.o As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.o Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it.o Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.o If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going. No one would answer. They would knock again and speak loudly to see if anyone responded. A little while later the maintenance guy would be unlocking the door for them. The officer would push the door open a bit and peek in. To his right he would see my splayed out across my kitchen table in a big splatter of blood. Maybe I would slide out of my chair onto the floor and ruin the carpet. I doubt this little pistol would knock me around any. I might just slump forward and smack my forehead on the table. A gunshot wound that tiny might not even bleed much. A couple of drops down my face and neck maybe. I realized I had zoned out for a minute there. I snapped to when Ginny said ‘Have you seen the weather?’. I hadn’t, so I told her no and asked why. She just said ‘You’re not going to believe me if I tell you baby so you better look for yourself ‘. I turned on the tv. The last time it was on I was watching the disaster footage from Hurricane Charley. What I saw made me want to run and grab.
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